Many people are beginning to wonder why dating in the big city has suddenly become such a confusing and complicated experience. And when exactly did this happen? The dating scene has always been a bit of a hassle for some people, and could even feel more like a chore than a time that's supposed to be fun. But lately, the singles jungle of Houston and other major cities is changing and evolving into an increasingly complex entity of mass confusion. We seem to be moving faster and faster into utter chaos, rather than adapting to the well-preserved roles our mothers and fathers intended for us.
Gender roles are changing, and this is the underlying concept that keeps many of us from forming successful relationships. More and more people are staying single for long periods of time. This is partly because we find it difficult to accept and understand the new gender roles of our partners, even if we ourselves adhere to these new norms.
The role of women has changed the most. They have changed more in the last two generations than in the last two millennia. Thanks to mass media, urbanization, and politics, women have achieved equality with men in education, the workplace, and everywhere else you look. And thanks to the sexual revolution, we have liberated our minds. Women are now able to support themselves and raise their own children without the help of a man, escaping the traditional role of "mother" and "wife." Our newfound independence is something we are reluctant to give back. The independent woman does not want to be controlled or told what to do. She will never again be the docile little lamb once sought for marriage purposes.
This change in the lives of women in big cities has led to a second major change, that of men. Men have evolved from rugged, robust men to "metrosexual" men (a term coined by gay journalist Mark Simpson). Men have begun to take over some of the tasks previously controlled by women. There are women working alongside these men in the office. And thanks to gender homogenous advertising, the meterosexual has emerged. This new male breed has the right outfit for every occasion, never has a bad day, loves manicures and smells of roses. He has no problem shopping, going to the opera and buying new shoes. The metrosexual is completely in touch with his feminine side, but there is only one thing: he is heterosexual.
Suddenly, the roles we are used to our partners filling are no longer filled. The metrosexual now wonders why he has to pay for every date, open doors, and pick up a woman at her door, since women today are so independent and financially equal. Yet secretly these men still long for the woman who does the housework and raises the children, just like mom did. The independent woman is too afraid to give up the independence she has worked so hard to gain, only to rely more on a man than on herself. Why should she, when there is a danger that one day she will be dropped? But in her heart, she also longs for a man who will sweep her off her feet and take away all her problems, just as her father once did.
We have now entered a seemingly endless cycle that can only be broken by trust. The once vaunted nuclear family with the hard-working father and stay-at-home mother is slowly dissolving. From now on, men and women will have more equal roles in relationships and families. The only question is: When will we become comfortable enough to allow this to happen?
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